)). Enjoy.50 вещей, которые больше не позволяются мэйстерам...Источник: http://lysimachia.livejournal.com/7105.html?#cutid1/
16 May 2008 @ 01:04 pm
50 Things That the Gundam Meisters are No Longer Allowed to do.
Author: Lysimachia
([info]ansela_jonla helped me come up with some of these so it's only fair I credit her.)
The Meisters are generally a well behaved lot, but they need rules to keep them in line. A list is posted up and rules are added as and when they are needed. The rules extend to the rest of the Ptolemaois crew members, so no one else should get any ideas.
1. It is not necessary to hum the 'Top Gun' theme whilst flying.
2. Do not add things like 'needs new flux capacitor', 'the thingummy doodah is broken', or 'sparkle emissions too high' to your mission reports. Ian does not appreciate it.
3. "I saw it in a movie" is not a valid reason for attempting to pull off ridiculous maneouvres in battle.
4. Do not add 'if you know what I mean' to the end of every sentence when you are reading a mission report.
5. If you are ill, see the ship's doctor. Do not take five aspirin and drink some whiskey and consider yourself fit to pilot.
6. VEDA is not GLaDOS. Do not ask it for cake.
6a. Scrawling 'the cake is a lie' on the walls is not funny.
7. Guinness is not an acceptable substitute for coffee.
8. Candy is not an acceptable substitute for caffeine pills.
9. Haro is not a toy, please do not use it for recreational purposes if you know what I mean Do not annotate the list, Lockon Stratos!
10. Please use the handrails and motorised handles to move around the ship, rather than doing backflips and somersaults whilst shouting 'woo'.
11. Stop asking Sumeragi if they are real.
12. Minors are not to be given alcohol. Or too much caffeine. (Lichtendahl is not considered a minor, but please do not give him those either.)
13. Saying 'but voices in my head told me to' is not an excuse if you are not Allelujah Haptism.
)))13a. Saying that 'the voices in Allelujah's head told me to' is not an excuse either.
14. The Safety Dance is not to be used as an instructional briefing.
15. Do not use VEDA to play Solitaire. Or Minesweeper. Or Pinball. Or Tetris.
)))15a. In fact, everyone except Tieria, Feldt and Christina are banned from using VEDA interfaces.
16. If you have concerns about a Meister's mission performance, submit a report to Sumeragi rather than pointing a gun at the Meister in question and declaring them unfit.
17. Do not ask Tieria to 'google' things with his mind. Especially not porn.
18. Do not 'do the robot' whilst piloting your Gundam.
19. You are not a Gundam. If you think that you are, please go to the ship's doctor for anti-psychotic medication. !!!
20. Stop making jokes about Doctor Moreno's name. It wasn't funny the first time.
21. Covert training is important. It is not necessary to hum 'spy music' whilst doing it.
22. The next person who attempts to start a rousing round of '999 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' will be locked in the padded cell for a week.
23. The padded cell is not to be used for any purpose other than detaining people.
24. Quoting lines from '2001: A Space Odyssey' is not funny.
24a. Do not try to program VEDA to sing 'Daisy Bell'.
25. Making jokes about Dynames riding Kyrios is neither tasteful nor amusing. Dynames would much rather ride Virtue Stop this! That is not mechanically possible, anyway.
26. Gundam Marco Polo is not an approved way of spending leisure time.
27. Don't steal Sumeragi's chocolate when it is that time of the month. Or Tieria's Stop doing that!
28. Tieria is not a girl, and you will stop asking for pictures as proof.
29. Gundam Surprise Buttsex is not funny, nor is it possible.
30. Do not upload mission logs and training feeds onto 'Youtube'.
31. Attempting to get any male members of the crew to wear dresses is hazardous to your health.
32. Shopping sprees, vacations and strip clubs are not acceptable ways to spend Celestial Being funds.
33. We are never going to make a naked Celestial Being charity calendar.
34. Don't leave Lichtendahl in charge of overseeing security. We know how that turned out.
35. Similarly, leaving Haro to perform your duties is not responsible behaviour.
36. We haven't got 'ray guns' and it is not necessary to make 'pew pew' noises whenever you have to fire your beam pistol.
36a. Beam sabers are not light sabers and you are not Jedi Knights.
37. Never ever ever again shall you swap Sumeragi's alcohol for non-alcoholic beverages. Allelujah still hasn't quite recovered.
38. Nor shall I go up behind Allelujah and scream 'BOOBIE ATTACK!' in order to make him freak out.
39. Kyrios' pincer weapon shall not be used to attempt to give Nadleeh a haircut. !!!
40. Just because you can, it doesn't mean that you should use Dynames' long range shooting capabilities to knock down a TV satellite because they cancelled your favourite show.
41. Setsuna F. Seiei is not related to Ahkmed the Dead Terrorist.
42. Taking care of my beam saber in the docking bay is permitted. 'Taking care of my beam saber' in the docking bay is not.
43. Lockon is not after your lucky charms, whatever that means.
44. You will not sing the chorus of 'High Speed Dirt' whilst performing atmospheric re-entry.
44a. Also, it is not permitted to sing any of the following; Highway to Hell, It's Getting Hot in Here, Bat out of Hell, Don't Stop Me Now, Space Oddity or Aces High.
45. In fact, singing whilst in your Gundam is banned altogether.
46. Naked pillow fights are banned outside of personal quarters.
47. I will not ask Tieria if the carpet matches the drapes. Or Feldt. Or Allelujah. It's rude and tasteless. (And Hallelujah might just show you, but not in a way you'd like.)
48. Going undercover is sometimes necessary. Please bear in mind that you are not James Bond and acting like him merely makes you look like an idiot.
48a. Sumeragi is not M. Ian is not Q, Tieria is not called Honey Ryder and Feldt and Christina are not your Bond girls.
49. For the love of all that is holy, don't hide Allelujah's medication ever again! We still haven't gotten that big bloodstain off the refridgerator.
50. Refer to yourself by your proper codenames rather than one you made up for yourself.
50a. On the same note, referring to anyone else by a made up codename is banned.
50b. Tieria really dislikes being called 'Princess', 'Cuppycake Gumdrop' or 'Snuggums'. If you use any of those nicknames to refer to him, whatever happens afterward is your own damned fault.
じゃ ね!
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21.05.2008 в 12:11-
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21.05.2008 в 16:45